2002-12-31 - 3:10 p.m.
Ugh�I feel like I have been writing all day�
Oh wait, it is cause I have.
So today�the last day of the year, I received my one-year evaluation. Granted I have been working for the City for a little over 2 years now. Gotta love the efficiency of the City. The good news is that I have somehow managed to snow my supervisors into thinking that I am a wonderful and supremely talented teacher, a fantastically reliable employee who the feel completely comfortable in leaving the Branch with, and that I am a dynamic and wonderfully motivated employee. Heh�if they only knew that I hated my job. Perhaps if I made 40k a year I could hate my job less though. Well anyhow�the long and the short of it is that when all was said and done�when the dust settled�I walked away from this evaluation session with a 4.4�
That�s right. A 4.4!
Yeah I have no idea what the fuck that means either.
Hmm�so this is the last day of the year 2002. Can�t really say I am going to miss it. Ok�sure I will miss parts of it. Like getting divorced, dumping thousands of dollars into my car in order to get it back on the road, messing up my knee�yeah these were all high points of my year. Umm�ok not really.
I can say that even though I have had to weather quite the shit storm there is some good that has come out of it all. I have made some great friends, reinforced the bonds of friendship with some others, got to see my Bruins play from the 6th row (and get Glen Murray�s stick!), started fighting again, lost 45 pounds (though I still have a fair amount more to go), and many many other wonderful things.
So on a scale of one to ten, how would I rate this year�perhaps a 5, or maybe a 4. But that is just cause divorces suck�no way around it. Had it not been for that, I think the year might have managed to climb as high as a 6.
But that was then, and this is now. What does the New Year hold for me? Christ, you�re asking me? Like I am some sort of visionary or seer. WhatEver!
I do know that I have plans for this New Year though. New job, more lost weight, find a new place to live, do some traveling, drink more wine�I mean the list goes on and on. See I could never make that whole New Year�s resolution list thing, cause I would always crash and burn within a few weeks. So I learned that if I created a goal list instead I had an easier time of accomplishing things and coming out a winner at the end of the year. I mean I managed to be a winner this year�although my goal was pretty simple. It was survive and weather the shit storm.
So what are your plans for tonight?
Mine are going to be pretty out of control. I am getting off work at 5:30 and going home! Once there I am going to heat up some leftovers for dinner, and then perhaps sit in the dark and stare at the walls�or at least the fish tank. Ok not really�I will probably go hang out with the neighbors and tie on one hell of a bender. Nice thing about the �Bar� being across the street. It sure is easy to get home at the end of the night.
Now if that goes tits up, then I will probably sit in the dark and stare at the fish tank all night. Or at least until it works it�s magic on me and I fall asleep.
Now tomorrow I think that I am going to spend my day off finishing up my 12th night project. It should be pretty nice when all is said and done. It will certainty be an improvement over the stuff I had on display last year. And that is the real goal right? To get a little better ever year at whatever it is that you do�
As you can tell I really have nothing of any substance to write today�as I said I am all written out. I had a pile to say to a friend and figured that I ought to get it out before the New Year starts�ya know start over all fresh and what not. Sigh�perhaps I am crazy for thinking that way�perhaps I am just setting myself up to get hurt again�but shit man�who cares. You only live once, and sometimes you just have to be willing to take those chances. What is that saying�ya gotta play big to win big. Yeah whatever�
So to 2002 I say good bye. I am glad that you are finally done. I have learned a lot from you. I am wiser, smarter, and much more jaded than I was at this time last year. For better or worse, it aint worth worrying about now. What is done is done�this is yesterday, and I have a whole New Year to look forward to.
Today I learned that I don�t rightly care about much right now. Kinda sad really. Perhaps if I get drunk enough I can throw up all this bile and anger and hurt and hate that has taken root in me�And tomorrow I will wake up feeling�better.
And you world�What have you learned. And don�t tell me nothing, I have awaited for an entire year waiting for your answer.
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