2002-12-27 - 9:58 a.m.
I find it amazing how good dreams can turn a person�s mood around. Shame of it is I can remember only a very little bit of the dream.
It had all sorts of really weird things in it. For starters I was in some sort of strange hotel�A lot like the Venetian in Vegas but without the casino. Then there was the broom. It looked a lot like the ones from the Harry Potter movie. It seemed that this broom was sort of prop for my goofy antics throughout the dream. I rode it a lot�kinda like a palio pony or a hobbie horse. Now here is the only part that I really remember�I was acting all goofy and pretending to (I think) to be a waiter in this now Cruise Ship Hotel, and the whole reason for it was I was trying to catch the eye (I think) of this very cute sortta red head (not a natural red though�too dark purpleishredy). Now normally I don�t dream of folks that I don�t know�but I gotta tell ya I have never seen this girl before, yet in my dream I obviously seemed to know her�well at one point I went riding my broom past the hair salon into the dining room (the little kids loved the fact that I was riding a broom�and I could do tricks on it too�I could ride side saddle, and jump, and do fancy little spins and what not�I know it was really weird) and rode up to this table to make sure that everything was ok. And not it gets WEIRD! The little girl (a very adorable 4 or 5 year old) wanted something to put on her hamburger cause it was a bit dry and flavorless. Now her daddy looked just like Grima Wormtongue (which completely freaked me out) and kept whispering in her ear, and when he saw me he got this very uncomfortable look about him. Kinda like he was both cautious of me and had to use the bathroom REALLY bad. Well anyhow I talked to this VERY cute little girl for a bit, and finally she asked me for something to put on her burger. She asked for some burger sauce, but I had to tell her that we didn�t have any left�but that we did have plenty of Steak sauce, mustard, and various other condiments (I am not sure how I knew this�I had never been into he Shipotel�s pantry). At this point Grimadaddy leans over and whispers in to his little girl�s ear and she then asks for some Mobil One sauce. At this point I did a double take. I asked if she really meant A1 sauce or perhaps 57 sauce�but she adamant about having her Mobil One. So I then started explaining to her what Mobil One really was. I began quoting the following information about the oil:
The oil is analyzed for many different things. The most critical characteristics for the purposes of oil longevity are:
Flashpoint: The point where oil starts to vaporize. This value should be greater than 365 degrees Fahrenheit.
Viscosity: This is the SUS viscosity at 210 degrees. It is the standard SAE viscosity measure; SUS is the unit of viscosity. This value should be somewhere between 55 and 62.
TBN: The Total Base Number. This is a measure of acid-combatting additives. Oil is essentially expired once it reaches a TBN around 2.
Insolubles: This is the percentage of the test sample consisting of solids. Solids are always bad; the value should be less than 0.6%.
Ok I know this is really odd�and I am not really sure why I know this stuff�but needless to say I was trying to impress upon this little girl that not only was Mobil One not the best synthetic to be using on her burger�at this point in our conversation the little girl seemed to be to understand what it was that I was saying and was just about to change her request to Ketchup when Grimadaddy put his hands over his little girls ears and frowned at me and said SHE WANTS THE MOBIL ONE!
So I went and fetched it for em�I mean what else could I do�
I hopped back on my broom and galloped from the dining room (btw I had the sound of the horse clopping down pat). I passed again by the Hair Salon and stopped for a minute to watch the cute red head getting her hair done�and when she looked up and saw me there I smiled and then made tracks for the kitchen.
Once in the kitchen I began the search for Mobil One among the other sauces�and guess what. IT WAS NOT THERE! Cause it is motor oil not burger sauce! So I did what any good fellah would do. I made some for her.
Suddenly I was no longer wearing my waiter outfit (which was some sort of cross between a waiter�s looking tux thing and an English riding outfit), I had some managed to switch into a Chef�s outfit. It was a classic double breasted white jacket with matching pants and of all things a goofy white pillbox like hat (kinda like the ones bell hops wear). After a few moments of contemplation I grabbed a few ingredients (sorry guys I don�t remember what they were�and I think I am glad of that�cause I might have had to try making the stuff) and put together the needed Mobil One burger sauce.
It was then back on my trusty Broom (ok WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS BROOM REPRESENT?) and rode back to the Dining Room�past the Hair salon (where I again stopped to watch the Red Head again for a moment) and suddenly the scenery shifted�I was on a Cruise Ship for sure now�and the dining room had changed into a GIANT game room. There were folks all over the place playing a giant game of Clix and I was invited to play. The odd thing was that the Clix were about the size of a Barbie doll. I mean they were huge. But I was told that because the board was so big (it took up the entire room) we had to play with the bigger scale figs. So I took out my golden age Flash, Spiderman, and a hand full of SCA fighters�Come on now�remember this IS a dream�I think I realized that too cause during the first turn of the game I marched my unit across the table and crushed one of my opponents�who it turned out was actually my ally. I realized then that this was not a game I wanted to play. It was a dumb tourney idea�and full of a bunch of whiners�
So I got back on my broom�now in a different outfit, and decided to go see what my friends were up to. So I headed back to the salon. Only now there was a deck next to the place with little round tables that had umbrellas on them. I rode up, and gave a happy hello to all of my friends who were there (and in fact many of yall who are reading this were there) and then turned and smiled at the Red Head who was now out of the Salon. I then said something to the extent of�I really like what you had done to your hair, it looks very nice. To which she responded with some sort of fairy short almost mean comment about how I should quit making fun of her and her hair�It was a terrible hair cut and I was a cruel person for making fun of her.
I remember being a little taken back by this attack, because I really did like the hair style�and I kinda quit smiling and told her that I did in fact honestly like the do�but that I guess it doesn�t matter. And I got back on my broom and rode off down the hall way�and as I was leaving it was as if the Dream camera stayed behind at the table and I saw that the girl realized that I was being honest in my compliments of her and her new style�but that it just didn�t matter any longer, cause I was gone.
Dream camera back on me�I am no longer riding the broom, I am strolling down a dirt road some where in the country carrying my broom with me and for some strange reason�I am very happy�.
And I woke up.
Today I learned that Hunter S. Thompson must have been the role model for the Spider Jerusalem character from the Transmetropolitan comic book. It is really weird. Badger gave me the book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and I can�t get my nose out of it. What a really�fun, but fucked up read.
So what have you learned today?
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