2002-12-13 - 11:42 a.m.
And I am beginning to feel the pressures of time.
I�m simply afraid that I will not have enough time to get all �my� projects done before tomorrow morning. Ugh�It is SO going to be a long night.
I wonder if today is developing onto such a wierd day cause it is Friday the 13th? *Shrug*
So today seems to be a day of questions, mostly from folks in my computer lab. Today�s most frequently asked question are:
�How do you print?�
I get to many blank stares when I answer��A lot like a boy I guess. But I would love to print more like Santa Clause�Just like my Buddy Susie does�
�Can I get on the Computer?�
�No�you are much to heavy. Please use a chair instead.�
�Do you got any paper?�
�Yes.� *blank stare*
�Can I borrow some?�
�No, I am sorry you cannot. First, I don�t want it back after you have printed stuff on it and second, the computer you are currently working does not have a printer. All print jobs are sent to the laser jet at the front desk. Simply click on the print button and go retrieve your work form the front desk.�
�So, if I don�t have a printer how can I click on it?�
�Sigh�
�Can I have a printer?�
�go away�
�How do I get to that site?�
�what site�
�You know, that site I always go to�
�Um�if you always go to it, then why do you need me to get you to the site?�
�Cause I don�t know what it is�
�Please leave me alone��
�How do you spell Stewart?�
�S-T-E-W-A-R-T�
�No�that�s wrong. It ain�t got no W in it.�
�Please don�t ask me to spell something and then tell me I am wrong.�
�Sorry, How do you spell it again?�
�I-T�
�Why do my computer keep turnin off?�
�I don�t know, are you clicking on the shut down button?�
�No I ain�t doin that. I knows what I am doin on this thing!�
�Well let me watch what you are doing, and perhaps I can figure it out.�
�You ain�t gonna figure it out neither�these computers are junk�
�Ok�
-User then proceeds to click on the start button, whereupon a pop up window appears asking the user if they would like to shut down the computer. User without reading said window clicks on the yes button�and of course the computer shuts down.
�See I told ya. It did it again. What�s wrong with the computer?�
�Well I watched what you did, and you shut down the computer.�
�Did not�
�Um�ok. Well then this is what the problem is. There is a UIE, meaning that there is a User Interface Error, and I am sorry Sir, but there is nothing that I can do to assist you with that.�
�Yeah that�s what I thought�a UIE. See I told you there was something wrong.�
�Yes�yes�you are in fact correct. Please stop talking to me now.�
God I love my job. On the plus side (I think) Of the 15 people that had signed up for classes for this week�not a one of them has bothered to show up, or call to let me know that they would not be attending class. Gee aren�t they going to be surprised when I don�t allow them to register again for classes for 6 months.
These next two questions come to us via Mistressrhi. So it is all her fault.
Now with that said, I will answer said questions knowing full well that they will undoubtedly cause many of you to laugh, and at least a few of you to think that I am just a total bastard pig. Oh well�
----->1. If you had 20 minutes to save the world (or even just save your own life) and a really hot babe was available and willing, would you really risk losing the time?
First: Is she nekkid already? It takes time to pull off her clothes after all.
Second: Is she one of those snuggly types that expects cuddling and quality time after sex?
Third: It there a really fast car involved?
Fourth: Do I have to make sure she comes too?
See these are all things that the soon to be "savior of the world" has to take into consideration before he throws caution to the wind and does the deed (his duty?).
Now if the answers to the above 3 questions are:
1. Yes, No, Yes, No...then my answer is of course!
2. If it is No, No, No, No...then she would have to be totally hot indeed.
3. If we answer Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes�then, well then you have to ask your self if you trust your side kick to save the world for you.
As for the other questions...well it depends on what I would have to do to save the world. If all I have to do is disarm a bomb...well you certainly don't want to be tense for that. So I would say that a good roll could actually be beneficial to your world saving efforts. If I had to engage in a serious/hardcore Ninja fight with three or more bad guys...then the sexual tension created by NOT getting to shag said hottie would definitely assist you in KICKING THE LIVING SHIT out of the said bastard Ninjas. Cause it is totally their fault that you are not getting busy with the willing and waiting honey at the moment.
----->2. When you're watching a great action/adventure guy flick and suddenly there's a gratuitous sex/romance scene, does it reduce your enjoyment of the movie? Now, we're not talking porno flick here. I'm talking about mainstream Hollywood, where you really don't see anything. Use Braveheart's post-marriage scene as your example.
Now this question is a bit harder to answer.
First: How nekkid is the girlie?
Second: Is the girlie a total hottie?
Third: Is there a fast car involved...er. Ok skip this one.
Third take two: Is it some lame touchy feely sorta sex scene that has interrupted a high speed car chase, shit getting blown up, gun fights, or ninja kung fu ass kicking�?
If the answers to the above questions are:
One: Very, Very, and No. Then the enjoyment that I derive from watching said movie is not reduced at all�and in fact it may even increase a little bit (as long as the fight scenes aren�t lame).
Two: Not at all, Very, and Yes. Then Hell yeah this scene is ruining my enjoyment of the movie. Why would I want to see some other dude getting busy with a woman that I could only dream about, when I could be watching him�or better yet HER blowing up some expensive car, firing fully automatic huge caliber hand cannons, while ninja kicking the crap out of the despicable bad guy, and all the while maintaining her perfect hair. I mean come on now.
Three: VERY, Oh Hell yeah, and Yup. Then you have a bit of a problem. I mean then you are being pulled in several different directions at once, and that�s no fun. Part of you really wants to see action, and then there is the part of you that would love to see some ACTION. So�keeping that in mind, if you can combine this all into once scene, you will have a movie that guys will talk about till their dying days. Now if this is not the case�well then see answer number two above.
I hope that this has answered your question completely Mistressrhi. I also hope that I will still be able to find someone willing to date me after this horrendous little bit of writing.
Now moving right along�Have I ever mentioned how much I love holding hands, growing flowers for my significant other, spending nice quite evenings with my lady�cuddled up in front of a fire sipping wine, er�um�Oh yeah! Valentines day. I love Valentines day, and shopping, er�cough�ahem.
So how bout them Bruins�oh wait, they lost last night.
*panic*
Oh the Flyers�how bout the Flyers! I hear they kicked the crap outta the Leafs!
(Oh geez�I really need to change subjects here)
Today I learned that it is not always a good idea to combine creative writing with loaded questions asked by friends.
I also learned (but not today, I have known this for a long time) that poinsettias are actually a Shrub in their native habitat (Poinsettias are native to Mexico). They can grow up to 12� tall and 15� in diameter. They are considered a woody plant. It is possible to force the plant to �Flower� year after year. All you have to do is provided it with 12 hours of uninterrupted COMPLETE darkness every day. Flowers then mature in 60 to 85 days (note even a little light can throw the plant outta whack, and then you have to start all over again). And lastly, the red leaves of the poinsettia are not actually the flowers. They are called bracts (or in layman�s terms, leaves that surround the flowers that change color). The flowers or cyathia of the poinsettia are in the center of the colorful bracts, and are not really all that showy. The Poinsettia enjoys the highest sales of any potted plant in the US. 85% of all the poinsettia cultivars are owned by one man, Paul Ecke. Paul gets anywhere from .01 cent to .15 cents in royalties for EVERY POINSETTIA SOLD EACH YEAR! Poinsettia sales generate somewhere around 250 million dollars in revenue each Christmas.
So how�s that for something to think about�
So what have you learned today?
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