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2004-11-15 - 7:48 p.m.

It has been quite a weekend.
This weekend I lost a friend, and renewed a friendship with another.

I wonder sometimes if I am a callous person, or a person completely out of touch. Death has always held a strange place in my life. I have never shed a tear for the dead. I have never dwelled on their passing. I have never really mourned.

Instead I remember the person for who they were. I keep fresh in my memory the great and wonderful times that I was blessed to share with them.

When my first Grandmother died I remember my mother telling me that it was ok to cry…and I did so for her sake…not for my Grandmother or for me. I instead remembered. I remembered the stories she used to tell me every night, I remember the picnics in the living room, I remembered the things about her that made her special to me. And when I found myself missing her…I visited her in a place where she is still alive, in my heart and mind…and she was there…

When my Grandfather died I was angry. But not because he died, but because my family would not let me come home from school to say goodbye. I wanted to tell him thank you for all the things he taught me. For having faith in me and for pushing me to be better. I wanted to tell him that he had been important to me. But again I did not cry for him. I did not mourn his passing. And on those days when I found myself missing him…I remembered. I remembered fighting Cornwallis at York Town. Discussing art on his living room floor. Running around the garage. Tilling the garden. I remembered the things about him that made him special to me. And he was there…

When my Second Grandmother died I sad. Not because she was gone, but because I could no longer share her with my friends. But I realized that this was not true. Because I still had my memories. My friends could still meet her, sit at her table, share her meals, and experience the farm. And when I found myself missing her…I turned to my memories and the farm was still there… she was there…

And when Gyrth died I was surprised…I had seen him just a few days earlier. He seem so full of life. So full of happiness…it seems strange to have to say goodbye so soon. But I know that I don’t have to say goodbye forever. All I have to do is turn to my memories and I will find him there.

Be at peace Gerry…



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