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2004-07-20 - 1:10 p.m.

There is really no good reason that I can think of for feeling so down today…but I am. I hate these days.

Things at the apartment are going well enough. I got some shelves hung, some more boxes emptied, some more crap thrown out. I am making progress, but I can’t help but feel that I am still living in the same ole cluttered world that I have always lived in. Perhaps it is just because I am seriously lacking in some sort of decorator gene.

Things at work are going well enough also. I put out the small irritating fire that sprang up at the end of last week, and I managed to get my manual edited finally (only to have to completely revise it to include items form the new release). There is still no word on a manager yet though. Ugh…lack of guidance, lack of structure, lack of cohesiveness, and an all around low morale still sucks though. Oh and no…there is still no word on my clearances. Sigh…it has only been 8 months now. The full blown clearance should be done by now…and I am still waiting on a waiver.

The Jeep still has not sold. But I am still hoping for the best. I really want to start biking, but I can’t do that till I have the $$$ from the Jeep. Perhaps someone will scoop it up sometime this weekend. But honestly I don’t think it will happen.

Life in the apartment has been quiet and dull for weeks now. For some reason I come home from work…lock the door and hone the recluse skills that I developed a year ago up on that mountain in California. Not sure I really like it, but for some reason I am having real problems getting out and meeting folks in my new town. I don’t like it…but I can’t seem to get out of this rut either. Not good…BBear…not good.

I am looking forward to the fist of the month. I am going to be heading up to New York for the first time ever. I had considered many options of getting up there…flying, rail etc. but I think that I have decided on driving. It should be a fun adventure. I love driving, and I am always keen to explore places that I have never been before. Sides…I am sure that driving in NY can’t be any worse than driving in Dublin. We shall see though. Heh…perhaps I should lower the deductible on the Mustang before I go…

Have I ever mentioned that I fixate on things…and then have a really hard time moving on till I accomplish what ever it is that I have fixated on? In this case it is riding. It seems to be all I ever think about these days. In fact I was just eating lunch a little bit ago and caught myself thinking how cool it would be to find a cycling route around here that I could kill my hour lunch on. Everything seems to revolve around this activity that I want to do…but can’t because of one outside factor or another. Ugh…I hate it.

So I have been asked how my class went last week. Well I gotta tell ya. My part of the lessons went smooth as silk. I fell into that teaching rhythm, hit the zone…and before I knew it I was done. Man I love that feeling. Everything is flowing…the class is on track, the students are following along…it is great! In fact I did well enough to warrant a few compliments from the powers that be. That was nice. As for my co-workers…they…well I am not sure how to be nice about the fact that they sucked rocks. But what am I to expect really? They have NO teaching experience. None…no training, no idea other how to present beyond the college public speaking class that everyone is required to take. I am not really sure what I was expecting…but it was more that what I saw. And I guess what bothered me most about it all was they thought they did fairly well…and in fact my co-workers, trying to be nice and non-confrontational, told them that they did well also. Sigh…blowing sunshine up their asses won’t do anyone any good. Oh and speaking of co-workers…we have finally hired the #4 trainer for the team. She is 21, fresh outta college and has 0 teaching background. None…nada…nothing. Fuckin kill me please. Is it too much to ask that they hire someone else that has at least an educational background in teaching if not someone with some actual experience doing it? Yeah…I guess it is. I hate being the oldest member of the team by at least 8 years. Priorities and what not are SO very different. Bah…

Well I guess that this has turned into a big ole whiner page today. Sorry bout that. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. Perhaps this funk will go away. I know I sure hope so.



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