2003-04-15 - 5:52 a.m.
Well didn�t i tell ya that this might happen...
2 posts in one day...omg! But this time I think that I have something to say...I think.
Lets turn back the clock 2 hours...
Old Mr. Bear is out on his daily walk (more like mountain climbing around here...but hey, I will be more than ready to do some serious AT hiking when I get home!) in and about, here and there around the city. All I had was one goal in mind...find me a used bookstore so that I would have something to do up country when it gets too dark to work outside. So I grab my music player, my walking shoes, and my sun glasses (it makes it MUCH easier to stare at the world with out making the world too uncomfortable) and hit the Haight. It is a fairly nice day out, not windy, or too cold, or too blah...it is in fact almost a perfect day for a long walk.
So out the door I go...and almost immediately I am assaulted by a sight that leaves me feeling a bit uncomfortable. There in Buena Vista park are 5 or 6 homeless folks sleeping on the grassy hill...trying in vain to soak up what little heat they can from the sun. And as I look closer I notice that several of these folks are my age or younger...and look to be in good health...But why are they living here on this hill, or that bench, or in that door way? I don�t have an answer to that question either...but I am undaunted and in a few steps that happy little spring is back in my step and I am on my way once again.
This time I make it 2 blocks before I am accosted by a pan handler. The words �Hey man...can ya spare anything� hanging on his lips...I don�t here any of this though. I have my like music shield up just enough that I can�t hear his humiliating request. I ignore him...In fact I don�t even acknowledge his presence...I can�t even bring myself to say no...I just walk away...and wonder...Was that the right thing to do?
The next block there is another...only this time it is a young girl. I figure that she is in her early twenties. She is attractive, and again looks healthy enough...What is her story?...Why is she there?...Is she just looking for a little bit of help? All these questions and more go thorough my head as I pass her by as well...with out so much as even an acknowledgment of her presence...I am protected...behind my dark sun glasses and my music that it playing softly in my ears...but still I wonder...
The next man I see is sitting there on the side walk holding up a sign...I need $ for weed. And as I pass him I hear him say �Come on man...you look like you could help me out...I do this for need, not for greed.� But I don�t stop, in fact I don�t even turn my head...but as I walk away I find that there is a little less of a spring in my step...and it does seem to be a little colder out than when I started...and still wonder...
Down near the end of the Haight I come to a wonderful used bookstore, drop $20 on some reading material and head back out to the street to continue my walk...all the way down the Pan Handle Park which (I guess) is part of Golden Gate Park.
When I finally get to the park I have counted no less than 10 people begging for money. All of them looking like they have slept in their clothes for weeks, all of them looking like they could REALLY use a good hot meal, all of them looking like somewhere along the way they managed to piss off the fates and are not sure how they ended up here on the street. And the whole way all I could do is wonder...
Then I got to the park. There under an umbrella was a fellah in his late twenties sleeping while what looked to be his 7 year old child played in the dirt with a few ragged stuffed animals. Open on the ground was their suitcase with a few very dirty pieces of clothing, a dirty, torn sleeping bag, and a few books...and my music...my glasses...my desperate attempt to ignore this was worthless. And as I turned around and walked back down the street to my Victorian house...with my new computer...and clean clothes...and tv...and stereo...and fridge full of food...and my $20 worth of books...all I could do was wonder why?
And now I have to admit...I am almost sick to my stomach. Here we are spending millions of dollars every day to �free� a country from it�s evil dictator. And we do it because we feel morally obligated to help these people (though I wonder if it is truly not to help them from their oil...but that is not what this is all about...so don�t go telling me how I am wrong and uninformed, cause I don�t want to hear it. You are welcome to your opinions and I am welcome to mine)...yet we sit by idly as people waste away their lives sitting on a street corner hoping...beggging for someone to show a little kindness towards them...for someone to help them out...and it makes me wonder.
Yeah I can hear many of you now...I worked HARD for what I have...for where I am. I sacrificed ALOT...and I refuse to give my hard earned life or any part of it to some bum who just needs to go out an get a job. In fact there is a part of me who even thinks this. �Hey they seem able bodied enough...get a job!�
But perhaps they have tried...would you hire them? Probably not...and neither would I unfortunately. Perhaps they want to work...perhaps they have found themselves on a slope so slippery that they can�t get their feet back under them. Do you know they haven�t tried? Neither do I...
Isn�t is part of our social (if not moral) obligation to take care of these folks who can�t manage to do so for themselves. Wouldn�t our money be better spent on helping those less fortunate...those less motivated...those who may no longer have any dreams or hope left? I dunno either...I don�t have any answers...
But I can�t help but think that somewhere along the way someone somewhere gave you a helping hand when you most needed it and it may have been the one act of kindness that (directly or not) helped you get to where you are now...but then perhaps not...Like I said...what do I know anyway...
Today I went out for a walk, thinking of what a beautiful day it was...wondering what book I would buy...thinking about what I was going to do here in the City this evening...and by the time I came home I found myself full of questions...hard questions...ones that I know I don�t have any answers to...and may never have...
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